An Intimate Cultural Experience

Last week we were invited to a family gathering, thinking it was just for a visit. We talked with people and were were shown around the house and garden. From a distance, I noticed a small table covered in a white table cloth, including: a candle; a vase with flowers from the yard; a ceramic statue of the Virgin Mary; a glass of water; a small silver tin; a small, white cardboard box with plastic flowers attached to the top; and a glass jar with a peach label containing something I couldn’t quite make out.

Before long a priest arrived on a moto and everyone gathered near the table. The priest conducted a ceremony with participation and reflections from the group in attendance, including readings and songs. I came to realize, despite the language barrier, that we had been invited to a very personal gathering to share in the cultural practice of celebrating the life of a “lost child.”

Toward the end of the ceremony, the tiny fetus was taken from the glass jar with the peach label, placed in the white box, and buried near a shrine outside the family home. The mother of the miscarried child, with red, teary eyes helped serve refreshments to everyone. Her brother put a big arm around her shoulders and said something that made her smile. Everyone ate, talked and visited, before we set out down the dirt trail toward home. 

As we walked, I reflected on the ceremony and how this caring community of people came to support the young woman during her time of loss.

I wanted to share this cultural experience because it made me think. Is this practice unique to Paraguay? Close friends in the states, who have experienced a miscarriage, have shared that it can be a lonely experience- that people don’t talk about it because it makes them feel uncomfortable or that at times people make insensitive comments. The gathering we attended was warm and supportive to the young mother, though I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that the fetus in the jar part was a little unnerving to me….

The whole experience made me wonder if some type of recognition of loss, following a miscarriage, would be comforting for moms in the states, too. I guess this is a matter so personal that it would vary with each individual….

I was grateful to have been invited to join in this experience- a ritual very different from what I am accustomed to, yet it made so much sense at the same time. In addition, it was just another example of how open and welcoming Paraguayans have been during our short time here.